I can't believe I just did that!

I can't believe I just did that!

Written Apr 4, 2012 8:49pm by Heather Dalik

Now that Cora is stable, I am not really sure why I write.  I have never like to write and left that job up to my talented sister.  Somehow during this journey, writing has helped me to heal or at least get things off my chest. It has become my hope that one day, someone will get inspiration or healing from reading these journals.  I have spent hours and hours on the internet looking for a family like ours - a toddler with aplastic anemia or a toddler who survived a bmt.  Maybe, one day someone will be looking for the same thing and stumble on my journals. This is why I am going to include my story about last night.  I hope you take something away from it and please don't judge.  If you know me, I beat myself up enough for all of us.  

Andrew and Cora were in the bathroom, lined up for medicine.  Andrew finished and I told him he could go.  I turned around to dispense Cora's medicine, assuming Andrew would go off to read.  We were all three in in front of the sink, Cora on the stool which makes her the same height as Andrew (silly detail but important).  I turned around with the nasty, skunky medicine and put the dispenser in ANDREW'S mouth.  He sucked the medicine out of the dispenser before I could react.  I screamed something (not sure what) and told him not to swallow. Damage done, skunky immunosuppressants medicine into the wrong child.  Eyes as big as quarters Cora said "Dat mine Mommy?"  

Now what do I do?  My rational mind said he would be fine because he weighs more than Cora but still this is a highly toxic medicine.  So, I called my dear pediatrician, who took my call even though she was on vacation headed to a fancy pants dinner.  She laughed, giggled and told me I wasn't the first person to do this.  She told me to call poison control to put my mind at ease.  My poison control specialist, Mike, was undoubtedly the kindest person I have met.  He told me that I was right, Andrew would be fine.  As we were getting off the phone he said "Get some sleep and take care of yourself".  "How did you know?", I asked.  He said "These things always happen when Mom is exhausted.  You need to take care of yourself and your little one."  

Truth be told, I have been operating on little sleep because Andrew has a cold.  I am up every couple hours nebulizing him. I lay in bed and listen to him cough, worrying that the next cough will send him to the ER with a reactive airway episode.  I think today he turned the corner and is starting to get better.  Undoubtedly, very few people will get to experience a blunder like mine but if it happens to you, take comfort in knowing it happened to someone else.  

The rollercoaster ride that is my life is very unsettling, both for me and Grace.  Andrew just rolls with the ride, taking things in stride.  Grace doesn't like it when things aren't as she thinks they should be.  I have learned not to announce plans, seemingly do things last minute (although I always have a plan A and plan B in my head)  Grace doesn't like this at all.  It is just her personality.  I let Grace and Andrew plan a kids day out on Friday.  They came up with so many fun things to do.  We were going to start with going to see the Lorax and icecream (thanks Casey Cares!), play at a new park, go for a bike ride, and maybe a trip to the mall.  They had a plan A and I didn't have a plan B.  I should know better.  Cora has been so stable so making a plan A should be fine - right?

This afternoon was our clinic appointment.  Nancy is away so we saw our fellow today.  I mentioned a few things that I have noticed about Cora in the last 4 days.  She has been sleeping more, little fussy, not eating, not drinking, really wants to cuddle, and "baby" (security blanket) and the thumb are constantly present.  No rashes, no fever, no vomiting, etc.  Her potassium level went up again from last week, which was stable.  All of her other numbers are stable but that potassium went up.  This, coupled with the way she has been acting, earned her an ekg just to be sure her heart wasn't working too hard.  The good news is her ekg was fine but we have to go back to clinic Friday.

Friday?  Can't it wait until Monday?, I asked Sama,  I have big plans on Friday.  No, she need to be closely monitored.  We will do blood levels and maybe fluids/meds on Friday.  I am frantically making a plan B that won't upset my sweet Grace!

Please pray for a quick visit on Friday so I can have my big day out with my very deserving big kids.

Be CORAgeous!